Let Us All Meditate Together
by Aceidia
Summary: Zommari Rureaux has had enough of all the fighting that goes on in Los Notches and he has come up with a surefire plan to fix it all. Teach his fellow Espadas: Zen Meditation! One-Shot. No pairings.


Zommari Rureaux watched Ulquiorra and Grimmjow fight over the last piece of hollow meat. The other Espadas had eaten an hour ago and the three of them somehow ended up in the kitchen together.

"Trash." Ulquiorra stabbed Grimmjow's hand with his fork. "That is my piece."

"No, you Emo! It's mine!" Grimmjow tried to reach for the small piece of meat on the plate. "And Zommari said I could have it!"

"But I am your superior!" Ulquiorra didn't care what the Seventh Espada told Grimmjow. "If he's not going to eat that last piece, I am tak-"  
A metal spoon nailed the bridge of his nose.

"Ow! Grimmjow!" Ulquiorra threw his knife at the Sixth Espada's face. Missing by inches. "What the-"

"Hold up." Zommari pushed the two back into their chairs before a real fight started. "We need to calm down."

"Calm down, my foot!" Grimmjow screamed, trying to hit Ulquiorra from across the table. "I am hungry and that-"

"It's rightfully mine!" Ulquiorra was not going to let this piece of meat go to waste. "And-

"You two should try something." Zommari took his own knife and cut the small piece in half. "Here. One for you, Grimmjow and one for you, Ulquiorra… Now… Are we calm?"

Grimmjow shook his head, happily chewing away.

"Then." Zommari pushed his chair away from the small kitchen table. "I must teach you the way of Zen Mediation."

Ulquiorra glanced at Grimmjow. "Will it be…."

"Fun?" Grimmjow finished.

"Yes." Zommari lied, hoping it wasn't going to come back to haunt him. "And relaxing."

"Great!" Grimmjow sat up in his seat, excited. "When do we start?"

"How about now?" Zommari asked, only to get approval. "Now. Close your eyes and take a deep breath….and…" He watched the two follow his instructions, only to find he hadn't told them to, "Exhale…. And now… think a green valley with a blue sky and…."

* * *

Zommari's mediation worked so well on Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, they didn't fight for a whole week. (Wow!)

_So if it worked so well…_Zommori thought to himself, a week and a half later, watching Starrk and Yammy grouch at one another over who had to clean up after Nnoitra's latest fight that left a horrible mess all over. Maybe it will work on the others.

"Hello." Zommari made his presence known to the two arguing Espadas. "I know that Nnoitra is immature to leave such a mess. But you two do not need to be upset by it."

"Why not?! Starrk yelled at this stupid underling. He never had to scrape brains off the white walls of Los Notches.

"Because…" Zommari continued while Yammy thought of something to say. "If we center ourselves with a small mediation, we can work through this rationally."

Starrk paused and looked at the mop in his hands. "Mediation… how?'

"Like this. Sit down on the floor." Zommari glanced behind him, "You too, Yammy."

"Okay…." The Null Espada sat down next to Starrk who gave him a glare. "Now?"

"Close your eyes and picture a green valley…."

Tia slapped Zommari across the face. "This is stupid!"

He opened his eyes just in time to see her storm out of the library where he found her, reading. _Great… another backfire._

Less than a minute into the mediation, Yammy and Starrk had fallen asleep, leaving poor Zommari to clean up Nnoitra's mess all alone. "How about you?" He asked, seeing Baraggan walk into the library a few moments after Tia left.

"Nah… Mediation is dumbo!" The King of Heuco Mundo pulled out a flask and took a swig. "Whiskey is better."

Zommari stood up and left the library, headed back towards his room to continue his daily mediation that he tried to share with Tia. "No one seems to-'

"What the-"

Zommari looked up from his book.

"AHH!" Aaroniero screamed as Szayel grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted him into the air. "I'M SORRY! AHHH! DON'T EAT ME!"

"Why shouldn't?" Szayel asked, hating how this little…"You….don't even get me started! You delivered the wrong chemicals to my lab and it blew up in my face!"

"AHHH! I'm sorry!" Szayel's burned face just made Aaroniero more scared of the Eighth Espada than he all ready was. "I'll fix it! AHH-"

Szayel smashed his glass head into the ground.

"Don't be sorry! Get out of my sight!"

"Okay!" Aaroniero began to scramble to his feet only to have a foot pin him to the floor. "AHHH!"

"On second thought…" Szayel laughed at his idea. "I should eat you… I would get your powers to an extent, no?"

"Actually-"

"I don't want to hear it."

"And I don't want to hear anymore of your fighting." Zommari stepped in, knowing that these two could use a good mediation. They fought too much for anyone to get anything productive done. "I want to invite you to come mediate with me. It is a calming-"

"No, Zommari." Szayel ground his foot into Aaroniero's ribs, "I do not have time to bother with your idiotic mediation that I frankly think is a-"

"That's an order."

Both of them froze.

This was hardly fair!

"Fine…" Szayel muttered, taking his foot off Aaroniero after breaking one last rib. "And, note to self… Tell Nnoitra to beat you up…."

"I am not frightened of the Fifth Espada." Zommari muttered, leading the two of them down the hall to his Mediation room.

"Well you should be!" Szayel grouched, dragging a moaning Aaroniero behind him. "Because he'll do what ever I tell him to."

"It does not concern me." Zommari smiled a little as he opened the door next to his room to reveal a large wooden floored room that had three large windows to let the sun in. "And now, you two grab a pillow and sit on the floor. That's an order." He added, seeing the two Espada hesitate.

"Fine…" Aaroniero shuffled over to the small bin of pillows in the corner and pulled out a purple one. "What ever you say, Guru Bossy."

"I have to agree…" Szayel set his own pillow next to Aaroniero's. "You are being rather…uptight about this whole thing. Why must we meditate anyhow?"

"Because." Zommari sat down on a pillow he set between the two, just to make sure no one fought. "You two need to sit down and relax."

Aaroniero and Szayel shared a look. Zommari was going down.

"Okay." Szayel asked, watching the dark-skinned Espada turn on the CD player. "What now?"

"Yeah." Aaroniero added, not liking annoying zen music that was filling the room. "What?"

"Now…" Zommari came over and sat down between the two. "Close your eyes…..and picture a green valley with a blue sky… In the sky are three little clouds… and one of the clouds comes down to earth and you step onto the white mist…and….you head into the sky…."

Szayel cracked his left eye open to peer at Aaroniero who was looking back at him.

"And now, take the elevator down…far, far down to your center…."

Aaroniero gestured to the mass of yoga mats rolled up next to the bin of pillows.

Szayel smiled.

"And inside the library, you reach and hand out and….find a book…. And in that book…."

Aaroniero was about to climb to his feet only to stop as Szayel shook his head. Mouthing, 'I'm a butterfly! I can make less noise than you…'

'Okay….' Aaroniero nodded and Szayel crept to his feet and over to the yoga mats.

"And now… we shall meet our guardian angel…"

Szayel handed Aaroniero several mats before headings over to the CD Player.

"They are standing there….now, focus on their face… what color ey-"

Szayel beaned Zommari over the head with the CD player. "AHH! I can't stand this music anymore! Aaroniero!"

"Right here!" He cried, rolled Zommari across the floor and into a wad of colored yoga mats. "And now!" Szayel rushed over and picked up their captive's feet.

Nnoitra heard a window shatter.

He looked up to see something fly into the air. He looked at Telsa. "Any idea what's going on?"

"No clue, sir." Telsa replied, watching a cloud of sand fly into the air a good seven kilometers away. "I do not know why Zommari was thrown out of a window. or by whom. Anyhow, do you want to go inside now, sir?"

"Yeah…" Nnoitra hoisted his sword on to his shoulder, "And Telsa."

"Yes, sir?"

"Please, lock the door. I don't want to hear anymore mediation music as I walk down the hall. Ever."

"Yes, sir." Telsa saluted and bolted the front doors of Los Notches; locking Zommari out.

And he would have stayed out for good, but thanks to Yylfordt Granz, who showed him a way back in, after promising to film his brother trying to meditate, returned to Los Notches.

A place that remains hectic to this day as Zommari Rureaux threw in the yoga mat and retired.

* * *

Author's note: This idea came to me last night. I was hit by the image of Grimmjow and Ulquiorra trying to stay still while Zommari made them meditate. And this story blossomed from there. Zommari needs more stories with him in it. (Where are your fangirls?! Even Aaroniero has more stories than you do!) This was fun to write and I hope you enjoyed!


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